I ask this question with a very despondent and shameful heart.
I was involved in an affair for 2 years and have recently called it off. I knew the person was married and hoping that this person would marry in those 2 years which did not happen. I feel guilty everyday, which I should, but I do not wish to torment myself any longer. I want to move on from this despicable act that has stalled my life for 2 years in which I could have found a partner who was not married and gotten married myself. I did not sleep with him, I am still a virgin and I am now 30 years old. I want to get married now. But for a very long time, after a man I was suppose to get married broke off, no proposals came after that. I was so depressed and lonely that the whisperings of Shaytaan led me to an affair of 2 years. I do not wish to live like this any longer. People also think that because I am at this age, there is something wrong with me. My parents subject me to moulanas and hakims who give the most wildest stories. They make me do all these rituals to remove some ”jinn”. All this makes grow more despondent as I see others finding a life partner and having babies whilst I caused the greatest sin ever.I recently went for Umrah. My soul purpose of this trip was to repent and ask for forgiveness. That is when I made my decision to leave this person. Obviously this person is very cut up about it so much so that he says he is going to kill himself. But I have managed to stay strong and stay away.
Will Allah have mercy on me and forgive me for all that I have done? I cant stand in front of Allah and supplicate after all that has happened. I just want to start moving on and and to want to get married now. Will I be forgiven and get what i really want?