Question ID: 31234

My husband was an adulterer. He started seeing other women after we were married for 8 years. He is a foreigner in my country. He had sex with them and even committed sodomy. He watched pornography movies too. I told him it?�s wrong and haram and he should stop. I made istikharah a few times on whether I should stay with him or divorce but I never get any signs. I feel disgusted being with him, knowing that when he comes back late at night, he has done it with other woman and wants to do it with me again. He has high sexual desire and always want to do it everyday, sometimes twice per day. He always tried to do anal sex with me but I always say no sternly and told him its wrong and haram
He didn’t stay long with any women except for 1 particular woman who fell in love with him. She was a Christian who claimed that she didn’t know my husband was married until after 2 years of knowing him (which I found hard to believe coz he showed all kinds of symptoms that he is married). She refused to stop seeing him and begged him to continue seeing her and voiced out her desire to convert to Islam. But she never made any effort to learn about Islam herself.My husband talked to me about taking her as a second wife. When I refused to accept, he asked me to make istikharah, which I did. I made istikharah and sholatul hajat too. Once I dreamt that I was in my bed, in my nightgown and I saw her, also in a short, sexy nightgown, with a huge black jin beside her. She told the jin to pull me out of my bed. I held onto the bed, screaming and shouting and reading all kinds of surah but to no avail. I was almost losing my grip when I read Allahu Akbar many times and suddenly the jin let me go and disappeared and I woke up. I knew I won the battle. I told my husband about it and told him that it is negative, i.e. he shouldn’t marry her. He seemed to accept it. I told him to stop seeing her. But she kept on calling him and begging him and asking him to go out. My husband weakened, (although he actually did try to stop seeing her), and continued seeing her and having sex with her and even travel to a neighbouring country and stay in a hotel for 2 days. During all these time, I continued making sholatul hajah almost everyday and praying lots of tahajud, waking up at nite and other nawafil prayers, always asking Allah to guide him, to stop him from doing all these sins and to stop seeing her and to abandon his desire to marry her. He told me before that he wants to marry her not for sex, or because she is young (18 years younger than me – my husband and I are the same age, 46) or because she is sexy. He insisted that he wants to marry her because she wants to become a Muslim and he wants me to teach her Islam and he wants me to gain rewards from Allah. He also said he wants to change for the better and that all of us will go back to his home country where he can stop all his bad behaviour and repent and be a good Muslim. I continued having bad dreams about her. In another dream, my husband and I and my 2 children were on a holiday and were staying in a hotel. I had a baby with me. Suddenly, the baby went missing while I left him on the bed in the hotel room while I went to the toilet. All of us went out searching for the baby. We saw the baby at the bottom of the swimming pool in the hotel (dead). Then, I saw her, hiding behind a pillar and I shouted, it’s her – go and catch her. We all ran after her and chased her. She climbed up the stairs and hiding behind pillars, but I always saw her. Then I woke up. A few months later, I got pregnant but I lost it at 9 weeks of pregnancy. That was in 2009. I remembered the dream and felt that she had done black magic to kill my baby. I told my husband about the dream and repeatedly told him that she is bad news. I have been trying to get pregnant again but until now is unsuccessful. In 2011, I had another miscarriage.During these times, my husband also invites her to our house, despite my anger and reluctance because he wants her to teach my 2 children a foreign language, which is her own mother tongue. Our children learn this foreign language in school, so he wants them to excel in the language. She comes once or twice per week. Whenever she comes, I will stay in a room and close the door. I refuse to see or acknowlege her. My husband told me that if I don’t want to see her, I can stay in the room. He perfectly understood my stand of not wanting him to marry her. He told me too that he is still very skeptical in marrying her because he felt that she is still a bad woman, who looks at men, who dresses sexily, always, who is rude, bad manners, disrespectful etc and my husband has even hit her many times for her bad behaviour. He said she is trying to change and he is helping her to change to be a good Muslimah. Despite all these, she continued seeing him as she said she would kill herself if my husband stop seeing her. She is a bit mental.I strongly believe she has some black magic and the dreams I had of her sort of proves my thinking. One time when she came to our house, while seated at the dining table, while teaching the kids, my son saw, on the wall exactly behind her, a huge black face of a jin. He got scared but read a few surah and it disappeared. Before this, my son is always seeing black huge faces of jin in his room, on the curtains or walls. At one time, both he and I saw, outside our window, a huge black shadow moving past the window. My daughter, who was there, did not see it though.Anyway, in another dream, I saw the same scenario as the first one – I was in bed, in my nightgown, sleeping alone. She was in the room, also in a sexy nightgown and this time, there was a boy, maybe 14 or 16 years old. She told the boy to pull me out of bed and the boy pulled my hand and tried to pull me out of the bed. The same thing happened, I shouted and screamed and read all kinds of surah and even Allahu Akbar but nothing happened. Then I woke up, feeling frightened and sad coz this time I didn’t know whether I won or lost (as with the jin, I won coz the jin let me go and it disappeared). With this boy, I didn’t win nor lose. I told my husband about this dream too. A few months later, my husband told me that she is pregnant. My husband didn’t believe that it was his child and forced her to abort the baby and brought her to see the doctor. But there were problems and he gave up trying and felt that this is what god wanted and hence decided that it’s time to marry her. I told him that my istikharah is negative and she is not good. I also believe based on my dreams that she has used black magic to try to get me out of the marriage so that she can have my husband to herself (based on the dream of the jin trying to pull me out of my bed) and then when that failed, she got herself pregnant (hence the dream of the boy trying to pull me out of the bed). Her main aim is to get me out of the marriage. My husband understood what I was telling him but he said he had no choice now coz she is pregnant and he feels responsible. He didn?�t want the baby to be born fatherless or being raised a non-muslim if he didn?�t marry herHe brought her to the Islamic centre, made her attend classes and she went through the conversion process. She seemed willing to accept Islam and stopped eating pork and started praying. Her parents accepted her conversion and even made sure the food at her home is halal for her. They registered to get married but the approval took a long time and only got married when she was 8 months pregnant. The kadi had asked me to come down to the office for an interview (to see if I agree my husband to take a second wife) but I told my husband that I do not want to go. I cried many a times and told him this is a bad decision coz my dreams are all negative about her and he shouldnt marry her. I told him I cannot take him marry her. I do not mind him marrying any other woman who is good but not her. My husband was sympathetic to my pleas and apologized for all his wrongdoings but he said it is too late coz she is pregnant and he feels responsible. Furthermore, he said, it is a good chance for us to gain rewards as she has converted to Islam and the baby will be raised muslim and probably one day, her parents will also convert. He said that it would all benefit me and Allah will reward me for teaching her and for helping to raise the baby as a muslim. He wants me to teach her and baby quran, and religion just as I have taught and raised my own children islam and religion. Although, he is from a muslim country and I am not, he feels that I am a better muslim, and more knowledgeable in islam than he is. My 2 children hifz quran and I teach them fiqh and hadis. Although I was from a secular school and hold a bachelor of accountancy degree, I studied islam part-time and studied the Arabic language too. I told him that based on my dreams, it seems that she is trying to get me out of the marriage so that she can have him all by herself (thats why she tried to get me out of the bed in my dream, first by using jin = black magic, and secondly by using a boy = getting pregnant and it was a boy). My husband somewhat agrees but he still felt it is for the best and he couldn?�t do anything else. I told him how can they be together for almost 5 years and she never once got pregnant (taking pills) and suddenly, now, when he told her that I do not want him to marry her, she got herself pregnant and she purposely got herself pregnant a few weeks before he left for his country to settle some business. When he came back, the pregnancy was quite advanced into the 2nd month. I can sense her schemes and manipulative ways to trap my husband to marry her and I told him so. After they married and she gave birth, my husband kept on persuading me to see her and the baby coz he wants our children to see their little step brother. And I kept on saying I was not ready until after almost the baby was 6 months, when I still refused, my husband got very angry and told me that he wants all of us to be one big happy family and he was just trying to make everything workout, the polygamy thing and wants all of us to be happy together. He ignored me for a few days, not wanting to have sex with me and then stayed at her place and on the 3rd day, messaged me that he would bring over her and the baby and if I dont want to see them, I can stay in my room. I finally relented and agreed to meet them and he brought her over and I hugged her and cried and we seemed to get along quite well. We are still in this polygamous marriage (its been 1.5 years now) and throughout these times, I can see that she is manipulative and scheming, always trying to get hubbys attention and love more than me. Although we get along well, all of us, I am still skeptical about her and even my 2 children noticed that she is bad but they continued to be polite with her and try to get along with her well. At one time, when they had a big fight, my husband said to her in front of me and my children that he didnt love her and that she was the one who is always begging him to take her. That was what my husband often told me that he had never said he loved her and that I am still his love and there is no competition and I dont have to compete with her. We have moved to his country (Islamic country) and my husband has changed for the better, no more women, and he is doing his five daily prayers and nawafil prayers and fasting Mondays and Thursdays and he is close to friends who are pious and knowledgeable. He wants me to continue teaching her religion and we gather together once a week. Sorry for all these long story. My questions are:
(1) (a) Is their marriage valid coz I know that marrying a pregnant lady is haram although in his country, it is permissible. They got married in my country (a non-muslim country)
(b) If their marriage is not valid, it means they have been living in zinah all these while?
(c) do they have to repeat the nikah procedures?
(2) (a) what about my istikharah about them marrying are they negative really?
(b) if it is negative, but then, they still got married, what could be the possible consequences? What else can I do?

(3) is there any way for me to find out if black magic has been done on my son ?? coz he saw the black faces in his room in my country and behind her. Here, in my husband?�s country, my teenaged son is behaving very bad ?? not wanting to pray or read quran, very lazy, always talk back to me and shouting at me, lazing around, watching tv and using computer, sleep late at 2 or 3 am, waking up late at 11.00 or 12.00 pm. Despite me telling him to pray and read quran, he sometimes do or when my husband is around, my husband will bring him to the mosque for the daily prayers and jummah. But when hes at home, he is not regular. How can I find out if theres black magic on him or how can I persuade him to pray or is there are readings I can make on water for him to drink etc?

(4) What can I do to prevent further black magic done on any one of us?

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Asked on November 16, 2012 11:55 am
Private answer
1a) Valid
1b) No
1c) No
2a) Yes
2b) Make Duaa
3) Go to a pious reliable 'Aamil'
4) Read Surah Baqarah aloud in your house for 40 days
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Answered on November 16, 2012 11:55 am