What should one do if one has OCD and utters something which one didn?t mean?

Question ID: 23898

For years I have suffered OCD intially charcterised by incessant hand washing and taking very long to make ghusl. The problem has now taken on a new form in that every statement I make I analyse as to whether it constitutes divorce or kufr. I ask several institutions and organisations the same question in order to be categorically sure; the result being that there inevitably will be an answer which will cast doubt as to the continuing validity of iman and nikah.
Two examples will suffice in this respect. Whilst in Hajj and suffering from OCD I uttered ?I dont want to be here, I want to go home, I cant take this anymore? and possibly ?I dont feel like praying
All the following ulama said that the statement did not constitute kufr or invalidate nikah:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Mufti Zubair Bhayat
Shaykh Riyadul Haq
Jamiatul Ulama SA
Darul Uloom Deoband
Mufti Muhammad Ibn Adam
Shariah Board (America)
Jamia Binoria
Mufti Mohammed Sajaad
The Majlisul Ulama (SA) concluded otherwise. My wife would not re-perform nikah on the basis of a minority verdict and said that if she gave in once how many more times would I do the same in the future.
Recently, whilst having a conversation with someone I said: not referring to myself and not knowing the meaning of what I was saying says ?my name is Avtar� I started analysing this statement and desperate for an answer I asked several muftis and darul ulooms whether the statement constituted kufr hoping I would receive a quick answer. The following said that the statement did not constitute kufr:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Mufti Zubair Dudha
Mufti Shafiq Jakhura
Mufti Ismail Menk
A local Mufti
Darul Uloom Stanger
Mufti AK Hossein was not so categorical. He merely said better to re-recite the kalimah and re-perform nikah which for an OCD sufferer is neither here nor there. In fact this caused a major dispute at home with my wife who said I was driving her crazy by asking so many people. She again adamantly refused to re-perform nikah and said I should go with the majority
A further problem is I am really struggling to contain my frustration and anger when things are not going my way or going wrong. Such strong thoughts about Allah cross my mind and heart that I can’t bring myself to repeat in writing or verbally. In fact the thoughts are so strong it’s as if I am probably believing in them. I engage in dhikr at such times but my internal does not accept. I am becoming extremely demoralised, lost and confused. I would appreciate your advice in this matter
What I want is advice on how to move forward as I now seriously think I am depressed and potentially suicidal. ANY advice rendered from ANYBODY would be most helpful. Should I divorce. All I want is to be a good person

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Asked on July 9, 2010 12:00 am
Private answer

Currently you are asking too many Ulema. All we respect.
Choose one, follow that on in all your matters - do not waver.
Locally contact an Alim and take all rulings of daily nature from him.

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Answered on July 9, 2010 12:00 am