What should be done if ones husband is having an affair?

Question ID: 23411

asalamwalakum mufti
i have been married for 3years and i have a 2year old child.my husband and i were constantly argueing bwt small things especially things like him not bein committed to the marriage.like wen we would go out he wouldn want to walk with me and just leavs me oneside.and he the fact that he never has time to spend time with me or my daughter.so last year i found a condom in his car and cell phone with txt messages from a woman wen i asked him about it he said it wasnt hes and i began to get suspicious so that brought abwt more argueing.until 2 months ago my suspection was confirmed that he has been having an affair with another woman.we sat down and i asked him to choose he said he wanted to be with me and he touched the quraan and swore it was over with that other woman.the follow
in week i found out he lied to me then i brought the problem to the family wu told me that he is a man and these things are normal and we had a little arguement there.again my husband said its over with that woman and the next day he sent me to another country to ‘freshen up’.at my family house.so he dropped me off and returned home.
From there i received a call from his number and wen i answered i heard his voice and that other woman together talkin and laughin and he was was sayin “ah come on pass my phone”.(so i dont no if she called me purposely or by mistake) from there he only came to pick me up after a month and i decided i would try and change maybe he will realise wat he is doin is wrong.i returned home and made as if everyting was ok wen he would go out i wouldn question and he evevn admitted it to me that he is still with her.i tried to be nice to him he would jus act proud like he doesn care i would speak to him and sometimes he just wouldn answer.
From there a overheard him and his bro in law speaking and he was saying that he must do whatever to keep me happy for the family and stuff but when he goes out he can do watever he wants.and i heard him sayin that he was involved in some mischief with a woman when he came to pick me up from that country.when i heard that my hopes dropped and i asked him for us both to go see a molana but he refuses.so i left and now im at my mums house trying to think wat to do.
my in laws dont seem worried bwt wats happenin because nothin is being solved iv been here for two weeks now and he hasen called or messaged or anythin.then the in laws come to pick up my daughter like nothin is wrong.iv been allowin her and they bring her back but i can see that nothin is gettin solved.im unhappy with this part.
1-please advise me on my problem with my husband?

2-do i have to let her take her out and stuff or can i tell them that they can come see her here with me wenever they want but she not goin anywher until her father and i have come to a solution?

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Asked on June 1, 2010 12:00 am
Private answer

1) Take your matter to the local Ulema council you can apply for dissolution of marriage. First get elders from both sides to intervene so that a solution can be found.
2) You can bring up the child. On maturity of the child he is entitled to take the child.
If you want to give him invitation Rights you may do so, on your terms

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Answered on June 1, 2010 12:00 am