Assalam mu alaykum Mufti Elias
I married my husband for the second time last year, this is his fifth marriage. Everything was going well till we moved from his hometown to durban. He went on a gambling spree, till he saw we were losing so much money then he stopped completely. the boredom got to him and financial pressure he started to take rohypnol tablets for sleeping and then other drugs. He became very aggressive towards me and would leave me to run his business most of the time alone. he started falling apart, collapsed was hospitalised in port shepstone but discharged himself after being sedated and drove to durban, that weekend after he collapsed again and had to be driven home from home he sent me nasty messages saying how evil i was etc. he saw the doctor as he was being treated for severe depression as he was out of control who arranged for him to be admitted at Entabeni Hosp for mental illnesses on thursday 29 january 2014 . he was totally out of control by now and couldnt even walk straight on the thursday, he dumped his business on me and told me he was going back home in the morning. i panicked and phoned his father to quickly come as he couldn’t even walk properly. his father phoned me later to say he was saying he was in port shepstone whereas he was in durban , then his mum phoned to say he was looking for his car whereas he was in his car.(he later told me he lied to them) i phoned to see where he was and he got angry with me and gave me a talaq on the phone which was the third one as i had two in my previous marriage with him. i went looking for him and we found he had admitted himself at entabeni hospital. the doctors diagnosed him with bipolar, adht and a mood disorder and he had alot of drugs in his system so they sedated him heavily for 3 – 4 days for the withdrawal symptoms.
i told his physchatrist i had married him again and he wanted me to leave him he said at the moment he didnt know north ,south , east when he is better he can then decide what he wants to do.
for approx one month prior to this he was telling me to leave him he wanted to end the marriage at the time i didnt know he was in contact with his ex wife again. he made my life hell and when i didnt leave he told me he was leaving me he needed time alone to decided what he wanted to do and i packed his clothes on the thursday for him to leave and go back to his parents .
he was very aggressive in hospital for most of his stay of 3 weeks and all he did was fight with me and he was taking day passes to go out to do work whereas i was doing the work and he was visiting his ex wife and doing his own thing..,
on the 7 of february he got angry with me again because he thought i was ignoring his call and sent me an sms saying
‘dont ignore my calls, dont raise your voice at me. i told you take ur talaaq and get out of my life.”
he then sms’d his parents to say that he made a mistake that is regarding the talaq sms. his parents confirmed he did send them an sms. he told me while he was in hopital and sms me that he made a mistake giving me a talaq and that i musnt worry he would be there for me and help me financially .
i told him he wasnt well he told me he wasnt insane i didnt understand what he meant .
the phsychiatrist told me he was recovering but had to stay away from drugs and grandpa’s, he has an addiction to grandpa’s as he cannot handle stress and has a constant headache for years only grandpa’s help him but are also destroying him. the doctor said he had to stay away from them and he was still taking them as they had a negative impact on his mood .
the psychologist explained that his bipolar was such that either he was an angel or devil he has no middle so they were putting him on medication to try to get him to a middle and his medication is for life.
according to an article i read on bipolar things that trigger a bipolar patient are marriage and moving. he has been married 5 times all short marriages ,i married him twice my first marriage was a few months then he told me to go, the marriage now is under a year but since we moved to durban he changed a lot and i noticed him becoming aloof and down.
i told my father in law about the talaq but he said it was not counted because of his condition.
when he came out of hospital on 19 feb he told me to contact the mufti and find out if the talaqs are valid or not. he is running his business as normal and still has contact with his ex wife. i found out about them as he gave her work i gave him to do when he was in hospital to print delivery notes and they phoned asking for her about the order. when i confronted him he lied then i told him i had proof in an email then he admitted it. he lies when it suits him and breaks promises when he it suits him.
on 24 feb he told me he made a mistake he gave me the talaq in anger and i must see how i can sort it out i told him i cant whatever the mufti says we must follow.
25 feb we were supposed to phone the jamiat to tell them the situation he turned around and said he doesnt remember giving me the talaqs he was taking drugs ? all of a sudden he cant remember mufti? he is confused between her and me as she has a bad reputation and he knows he can trust me with his money and business.
he just told me before he was admitted he overdosed on drugs at the beach front and phoned his ex-wife who he has had no contact with to come help him. his ex-wife abused him and left him and made trouble for us when we were getting married but right now she is good in his eyes and i who stood by him not so good . he is confused he doesnt know whether he wants her or me.
mufti i need to know if the talaq and sms he sent are valid or not due to his condition.
i need to know as i married him a second time with promises of how he would look after me and he broke his promises ,to me, his mother and the moulana who got him married to me he took a kasam on allah he would look after me.
jazakallah.
