Strain on a marriage due to family members

Question ID: 26616

>br>My question relates to a divorce.

My wife has for years, Alhamdulillah, supported her brother both emotionally and financially. Lately she has been following the advice of her family members with regard to supporting him. I, her husband have on many occasions advised her to speak to her brother and encourage him to obtain medical assistance. She has refused to heed the advise and his problem has compounded.
Recently it was discovered that her brother had been abusing medication and related substances.

He had subsequently approached her for financial assistance to start up a business, where the business plan and initial projected figures appeared to be not sustainable. Being an auditor, I advised her not to borrow the money as the business not to be sustainable and the possibility existed that he would continue to abuse the substances with the money he received from her.
We did have a serious discussion about this and she subsequently decided to borrow him the funds, that he indicated he would pay back from November 2013 until April 2014. I advised her to get this agreement in writing and being fed up, I indicated to her that should he not pay her back,that would be curtains for our relationship. I had intended one divorce in order that she open up her eyes. Subsequently, after I had taken her back, it emerged that she had never reduced the agreement to writing and disputes the dates and thus says he said he will pay back when he is in a position to do so.
To date he has not paid a cent back and has indicated that he is not in a position to pay back the money at this stage.
Her family has caused the relationship between myself and her to deteriorate to such an extent that a second divorce was issued at the start of May 2014.

Following this she has still stayed in our home and I have agreed to keep her on as my wife at the end of May 2014. She has then continuously accused me of spending money on women (which is not the case) and not on her family. She has further accused me of sleeping with various women, just based on the fact that women work in my environment, even though I have refuted and produced evidence to the contrary on every occassion. The relationship has taken so much strain, that he has become violent on many occassions from her side and on one occassion from mine.

She had promised me before Ramadaan that she will not accuse me anymore so that we can have a peaceful Ramadaan. I have changed alot in my routine in that I have been all the time at home and not travelled and yet she finds a reason to be violent and accuse. She had still accused during Ramadan and the climax came on the 26th Ramadaan when she contacted women at my worked and asked them if they had been with me on trips etc. I had given her an ultimatum on the 26th Ramadan and said to her, ‘I give you one month, you keep accusing me so bring your proof in any form, not necessarily the two witnesses required in Islam that I have been intimate with another else you are divorced’ Needless to say there wont be any proof, and she has regretted and asked me if I could waive the condition, to which I said, as far as I know, Islamically that is not allowed.

Subsequently, today (3rd Shawwal) she has been diagnosed with a medical condition that will require her to have bed rest for 6 weeks and she has now accused me of making dua that this happens to her.

My question thus is, what are the implications for our relationship?

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Asked on August 12, 2014 11:59 am
Private answer

As far as I have understood you:

1) State that you 'intend' one Talaaq. Which means no Talaaq was given.

2) Then one Talaaq was given.

3) Then one conditional Talaaq was given.

You will be left with one Talaaq, thus reconcile. Mend the ways. Take care of her. Make the marriage work. Do not let her brother's financial matters destroy your marriage.

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Answered on August 12, 2014 11:59 am