Problems with inlaws

Question ID: 28037

I have enjoyed a good relationship with my husband over the past 10 years. We are very compatible and love and respect each other. The dark cloud on an otherwise beautiful sky has been my in-laws. Over the years they have made it clear that I am not part of their family. I get invited very selectively to functions and am always turned down whenever I extend invitations to them. I know that I do not fit in as I do not swear, fight, gamble or watch Bollywood like they do. Early in my marriage when I refused to go to casino’s I was told that I was breaking up the family! When I encouraged my sisters in law to adopt Hijab I was told that I was old -fashioned. I have overlooked all this and the exclusion with Sabr, as it did not impact on my relationship with my husband- but the situation is now untenable. My daughter will soon be Baaligh and I would like for her to be surrounded by those who will impact positively on her. While I do not and will not prevent my husband and daughters from visiting I have decided to keep my distance and interact with them only when necessary. This has upset my husband who feels that as an educated woman I should continue to bear their rejection and dismissal with Sabr. It is a sore point and we have not spoken in over a week.

My questions are:

1. I understand that Jannah lies under the mother’s feet but are mothers allowed to create unhappiness in their son’s marriage?

2. What is my obligation to my mother – in -law and sisters-in-law?

3. While I know that to exercise Sabr is honorable, doesn’t Islam permit the notion of “an eye for an eye’?

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Asked on November 2, 2008 12:00 am
Private answer

1) No

2) Respect and honor them. Not necessary to become their door-mat

3) Better Abstain - Keep your distance. Do not sounter act or retaliate

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Answered on November 2, 2008 12:00 am