Mother story

Question ID: 25147
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as-salaam

dear mufti saab..

you advice and guidance in these pass few months have been most helpfull

may allah grant you more wisdom and knowledge and janaat..

after my strage exp. i decided to take a look at myself and see what i have done wrong and what i have found it very simple.

i am currently 33, unmarried and sole support for my mother. i have had to sacrifice alot on my personal side just too look after my mother, which today i don’t regret.
but i have realized that when ever i decide to get married or thier is girl i am interested my mother is actually the problem.

she keep coming up excuse’s..like the girl will not fit in or the girl is only after money or the girl family is very bad…or sometimes which i hate…we are from this gaam and they from that gaam..and we are better that them..or the girl is fat or the girl is this and that…..

with my last exp. with a girl, i gave the girl my word and i took an oath on allah that the mum would accept and welcome her in the house and this was after i discussed the situation with my mother, but in the last minute my mother turned around and said i should break my word and just tell the girl no. and not only that her only reason for doing this was to ‘what would the people say’

to be honest i told my mother never will i break my word as i have taken allah as my witness and not her…i am a sinner but i am not willing to stand in front of allah and answer as to why i broke my word..just so that my mother can show ‘face’ to the world.

my mother is not a bad person..but someone that has been thru alot in her life….and that another whole problem on its own…

i have now become frustrated and absolutely angry on my mother…she goes around telling people when ever she asked when i will get married or what girl i am looking for, she tell everyone just as long as its a good Muslim girl, but in reality i get the the impression from my last experience…she does not want me to get married or even worse, i should just get married to someone that fulfill her criteria and what i want is no of no consequence….if you think i am being hard or being impossible on this….with regards to my last exp. which you as i have written to you for advice…she also told me break off and go back to your old girl…and that the funny thing, when i wanted to get married to the previous girl i was interested in..it was again my mum that came up with all the excuse’s…..and she will never admit to it.

i find myself now in a situation..as i realized that no girl will be be right for my mother and at the same time i am in a state whereby fasting and trying to avoid the evils of society are getting to me. My mother is oblivious to this and she is only worried about what the people will say or how the the girl will fulfill her traditional Indian way of thinking.

please advise

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Asked on July 5, 2009 12:00 am
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Private answer
Be sure of yourself.
Propose by informing the girl of your difficulties.
You wil lhave to take a stand. Do not dis-respect your mother but you need to move on with life.
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Answered on July 5, 2009 12:00 am