mariatal problems

Question ID: 31249

My husband beat my 2 children (aged 10 and 11) badly when they did not perform well in a sports competition. I left home without his permission and stayed with a friend. I called him in the evening to tell him that I was not coming home. He was very angry and said the words, “If you don’t come home by 9.00 pm, you will be divorced.” After thinking carefully, I decided to go home, for the better good of the children and the marriage and our religion. However, I couldn’t find a taxi and it was almost 9.00 pm. I messaged him saying that I couldn’t find a taxi and that we were coming home. He did not reply. I reached home at about 10.00 pm. My friend told me before I left her house, after asking an ustazah by phone, that I am already divorced and that I should watch iddah. When I reached home, I slept in my daughter’s room. My husband came back later that night and slept alone in our room. Things went as per normal, i.e. I cook his meal, serve him etc but he told me that since I did not sleep in our room, and as a punishment for me for leaving the house without his permission, I will continue to sleep in my daughter’s room. I told him that I left because he was beating the children and I was just trying to save them from him as he had said that he would continue beating them until they do well in the sports. 2 weeks later, he called me into the room and scolded me again for leaving the house without his permission. He told me to apologize and I did and he said that should be the last time I leave the house. Again I told him that I left because I didn’t want him to hurt the children. He said he did it because he wants the best for them. We had sex after that and everything went back to normal, i.e. I started to sleep in our room again. My questions are:- (1) Was I divorced when he said the above sentence? (2) If yes, by having sex, does it constitute ruju’?
The second incident happened a few years later. My then 14 year-old son did something wrong and he punished him by not letting him go to school, watch TV, use the computer or use his mobile phone. His phones, wallet, computer were all confiscated. He messaged me and told me that I must ensure that he doesn’t watch tv, use the computer or use any mobile phones. If all these doesn’t work or I failed to ensure it, I will be divorced. The issue is when I was at work, my daughter was in school and my husband out, my son secretly used my computer, although I put password, he managed to crack it. My husband didn’t know about it. My relationship with my husband remained the same, i.e. we still have sex as per normal. A few weeks later, all these rulings stopped. My husband let my son go to school, gave back his mobile phone and let him watch TV and use computer. My questions (1) Am I divorced again? (2) What is left of my situation now – i.e. if I have been divorced twice, if he said divorce or talak the 3rd time, this means that we can never ruju’ again until I marry someone else and be divorced? Please give me an advice of what I need to do to prevent such words from being said. In both cases, I didn’t ask him whether he intended to divorce me or no.
My husband is not a bad person. He is bad-tempered but in his heart,he is a good person who wants the best for me and my 2 children, in religion and in life. I have made istikhirah a few times whether I should stay on with him or leave him, but I always feel in my heart that Allah wants me to continue in this marriage and not leave him despite his bad-temperedness and other bad habits. I know he loves me and his children very much.
syukran jazilan.

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Asked on November 16, 2012 12:05 pm
Private answer
1a) Yes
2a) You are not re-married
1b) No
2b) Be careful. Be regular in Salaat. Make him regular in Salaat. Stop 'Haraam' activities
Marked as spam
Answered on November 16, 2012 12:05 pm