Question ID: 25090

slm mufti, i am engaged to a man that i love dearly, we both read istikhara before we got engaged as i had doubt as he made certain demands which i could not meet, he thereafter said it was all said out of anger. i do not remember the dreams clearly but on all occasions, i always seen the two of gettting married and we were happy. in his dream, he dreamt that there was a woman that was always troubling us, however he said the womens face was black. he said that we should still get engaged but we should just be careful of those close to us.

immediately after we got engaged, he started growing a beard, this was difficult for me to accept but i did. he has not gone to madressa when he was younger & he now spends most of his time attending lectures at mosques, going for istima, only listens to khutba’s when he is driving. i on the on the other hand was fortunate to complete madressa & i admire & encourage him for the efforts he makes to increase his islamic knowledge & be a better muslim. with his all of a sudden and so dramatic change, we often dont agree on certain islamic issues & he always undermines me when it comes to our deen & i will then proof to him with islamic literature & your website that i was right. i do this only for him to stop undermining me as it makes me resent him for futhering his knowledge as it seems the more he does this the more fault he finds in me and what i say, however his sister who is an aalima is always right, whom on a number of occasions were wrong. we have spoken about this & he says that these are small issues & that he may be wrong at times, he will stop undermining me.

we always wanted to change after we were married & adopt a more islamic lifestyle, however he has done this without me & has recently decided to go on jamaat. we had shared the same idea when it came to this & after we grew his beard i questioned him about this issue again & he said he would never go. i told him i do not want to be married who is always on jamaat and as a wife has to do certain things for myself, stay with my parents when we are married as he wants to go on jamaat. he has now changed his mind & will be going on jamaat, he says he will not go when we married, i do not know if i can trust him when he says this as he had told me the same thing 3weeks before telling me that he will be going now. i feel that he is trying hard to make up for not being able to attend madressa & as a result is very influenced with any islamic movement.

my problem is not him going to experience jamaat but my fear is that once he returns he might want to go again & this time when we are married. i fear for that my needs & desires as a wife will not be fulfilled. i started reading istikhara again but could not complete it, i once again seen us getting married. mufti please advise if we should proceed with the wedding or whether the islamic gowth for him, no longer makes us compatible?

he says he would fulfill his duties as a husband & will look after me & he loves me & doesnt want to call the engagment off.

mufti please advise as to what i should do, i love him alot & really want to marry him, is there any other way i can have a clear sign that we would have a good life together other than istikhara?

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Asked on May 31, 2009 12:00 am
Private answer
Once a person goes out in Jamaat then will always continue to do so this is the general rule. To go out in Jamaat is good. If you are able to live with that then go ahead. If not, then reconsider.
If you are not comfortable with him in Jamaat etc. then you are heading headlong for discomfort and un-happiness.
Promises in relationship to Jamiat participation generally do not materialize.
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Answered on May 31, 2009 12:00 am