I am a 22 year old girl from durban who alhamdullilah has found it in my heart to change my lifestyle around and also started wearing niqaab. I come from a respectably decent family and we live moderatly with allahs grace. I have been to school and university so alhamdullilah I am educated. A few days after I went into pardah a boy asked for my hand in marriage. He came down in december with his family for holiday and wished to “meet me” and I refused.after which he posed the question of marriage. I was reluctant at first but I decided,with the advice of my family, that this was a good proposal as he seems to be a good boy. He came down from jhb on the 22 of january to see me without his parents however they were fully aware of his trip. Even although all the time I was reluctant towards the idea of marrying him. He is shorter than me and smaller built than me but I overlooked that and the day after he came down I started my istikaarah.
the first night I had a few arb dreams that I was marrying someone else that I never met and only the day I was going to get engaged I remembered the boy that came down to see me and to get engaged to the unknown boy I was goin to wear a white dress and a white pants that turned into denim colour as well as my mother was holding for me a white coat with fur.. The third night I dreamt a cousin of mine gave me a sweet and the sweet turned into a little white snake to which I had to eat to gain an emotion to which I can not realy remember…in all those three nights I was restless and never really feel a good or bad feeling..I nonetheless told him yes.to which he told his mum and his father started doing a background check on me and my father..the uncle to whom was checking is a friend of my uncles from jamaat and decided to call him and kept calling him over two days.I felt hurt that they did not believe the reference given by my uncle but the boys father also felt that my mother should have called the boys mother to say that the boy was coming down to see me…so with all that mess that was happening I realised that the boy is not fully compatible with me.he does not understand when I say something in the sense that we think on two different levels. So I told him to just leave things as is and move on…he still wants this to work out but hurt and distraught I have lost any liking to this boy and I now feel stuck and stifled to say yes to him.I just do not want to say no because what if he is my taqdir and I’m pushing him away and he is a good boy but I do not feel his compatible enough with me. also what put me of this proposal at the beginning is that he wants engagement and all that unnecessary fitnah and for “kuncha” he would like a tagheur watch that is cheapest one being 10 thousand rand,since when boys demand such expensive things moulana u tel me.. To cut the long story short,on monday the 31st of jan I started istikaarah again and I had the most uneasy,restless sleep. My stomach had this uneasy pain in it and I was miserable..last night I read again to which I woken up blank from what I remember…finally to my question respected ulama, advise as to what my dreams meant and what I should be doing and if this is a good proposal and whether I should take it or not?
Your humble daughter in islam