Question ID: 28283

I am a 19 year old girl in U.S. When I was a kid, I used to get really scared about stuff that happened to other people. I would think that it will happen to me. I think I was also depressed when I was younger. One time I heard about something on the news that I got so scared I couldnt sleep properly after that. I became somewhat more quiet and depressed. I didnt tell my parents because I didnt want to wake them up every night. Later on, when I was 12 I got really sick that I had headaches everyday and I was soo tired that I didnt feel like doing anything. But I did. I began reading about Allah and Islam. I put all my trust in Allah. Every year I would feel weaker and weaker. The doctor found nothing wrong. But one year, we found out that I had really high blood pressure the whole time along with worrying and not getting enough sleep. I began exercising and just trusting Allah. I became really close to Allah. I would try to do everything I could. But I still had trouble sleeping so I was still somewhat depressed. But I became more religious and I was really happy. It was a very spiritual, calming time in my life.
When I entered college, I was still depressed in a way. Sleeping was better but I still didnt sleep enough so I was always tired and didnt feel like doing anything. I began watching movies whenever I could around April. I felt bad for wasting time like this but it helped me keep my mind off of tiredness and stress. During May I began praying more and reading more Quran but I would still watch movies or read novels to help me feel better. One day, I watched a scary movie. Before going to sleep I thought about whether or not I would feel scared during the night. I started having thoughts about how those things can happen to me too. Or what if I did something like that. I got really scared but told myself I wouldnt. But then just as those thoughts had easily come, this thought came that theres no God, what religion wouldnt allow us to do anything like this. It was very strange. I think my mind accepted just like that and when I woke up the next day, I was really really depressed like I’d lost something. I tried not to think about the thought I had at night but they kept coming. In order to distract myself, I began watching more movies. I didnt know what to do. I tried to pass time by getting out of the house more or whatever would distract me. I still read and prayed but I was so focused on those thoughts I had. When I was praying there was no Khushoo. I ddint know what to think about. In Sajdah I would just pray that if theres a God please dont let me do anything bad and please dont let me disbelieve. I would read Islamic stuff online and see Muslim people and cry that I wanted to be like them and that I’d lost something very important. After about a month, I read about Jahanumm and how people who didnt believe were sent there. I believed everything about it and Islam but since I had been so depressed, I sort of blocked my thoughts about Allah.
I ddint talk about anything like thanking or asking for forgiveness which I used to do all the time before. So whenever I thought about Allah I couldnt. Nothing would come. I thought Allah had left me. So I spent another 2 weeks or so being more depressed. I knew I was going to Jahanumm. I slept more because what was the point of waking up if I was going there. More scarier thoughts started coming about doubts with religion and stuff it. I never had these thoughts before so I was always scared about waking up because I would have these thoughts. I also read about waswaas and nafs so I felt a little better but I felt soo empty. My mind would sometimes tell me that Allah is forgiving but what I did was so bad that its unforgiveable. At times I thought about giving up prayer and everything because I didnt want to be a hypocrite since they go to hell. And I also thought that Allah didnt accept my prayers anymore. I still prayed but I didnt feel the same. It sort of became a burden. All of a sudden, worse thoughts starting coming to mind that I had never even thought about towards anyone. They kept on coming whenever I would try to think of Allah or anything about the religion. It was like I was blaming Allah for not stopping the thoughts that came to mind when I watched the movie. Right now, my heart and mind have become so empty or something of that nature. Sometimes I think I should stop thinking of religion at all but then Im still trying to hold on but so weakly. Whenever I think of Allah bad things come to mind that arent even realistic. I dont know whats going on anymore. I cant seem to study or talk with others properly. I keep searching for advice. I read about how if a person leaves the dhikr of Allah, the qareen is assigned to the person or how Allah places a veil on certain peoples hearts. Im in a very difficult situation and I dont know what to do. Please let me know what you think or if theres someone else I can talk to about this.

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Asked on September 28, 2008 12:00 am
Private answer

The formula is simple.

1) stop watching movies

2) Be regular is Salaat

3) Read one Ruku of Quraan with its translation daily

4) Source any Islaamic material from our site.

5) Read 'Hasbunallaah wa Namalwakil' 500 times daily. 100 times after every Salaat.
6) Read last Ruku of Surah Khaf. every night.

7) Try to read 'Manzil' once a day. Better after Maghrib.

Know fully well that you are not bewitched, mad or crazy.
The above formula will help you to remove stray thoughts, heavy depression, make you sleep, freshen up. Make Duaa after Salaat every Salaat. short short ones

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Answered on September 28, 2008 12:00 am