Dream

Salaam brother May Allah bless and guide us all to the right path.

My question I’ve already issued a couple of divorces to my wife (see below for details) and now have been separated. She and I now want to get back together but I am absolutely scared of taking her back and also my father is opposed. ‘ve done Istikhara and have seen few disturbing dreams. We have a two years old son. My heart wants her back, my mind stops me and i’s really hard and tough. I feel if I take her back I will fail Allah swt test.

Divorce situation: We have been married for five years and those years have absolutely been miserable. I have struggled financially and health wise and we have fought countless times. Now we are separated we both feel we both are equally responsible.

I issued her three divorces in one sitting out of anger whilst she was pregnant in 2008. Then took her back immediately. Then we were separated for two months as my father thought this wasnt halal. I went to scholars in London (where I live) and they said it only one per correct Islamic opinion.
I took her back and then pronounced her a conditional divorce to intimidate her to meet my family.
Then we lived for two more years and out of the suspicions that I am doing haram and the fact that I was genuinely struggling in life I associated all of that to her and then wrote a divorce letter to her.
Went to scholars again in London and they have given fatwa that it’s only two the conditional one doesn’t count as it was a threat and we have a last chance.

Question. What do I do? I want to take her back and she is begging me to take her back and my heart goes out for her and I feel guilty but sometimes I want to leave her and move forward and then I stop and feel like taking her back.

I have done Istikhara and have seen following dreams:

Dream 1 some time ago. I am in graveyard and there is lot of gun firing and I can see lot of graves then I see I am in a building and its raining of Red diamond shaped ruby like stones. Then I see my wife and I somewhere in the US (where I used to live before) with some of my relatives.

Dream 2 recent. Me and my wife are in the house and there are lots of crocodile in our back yard trying to get in through the back door and I am trying to hold the door quite tightly so that they don’t get in. Me and my wife are quite disturbed.

Dream 3 recent. Saw me, my wife and my mother in law. Don’t remember exactly but vividly that we are grieving as my little son has passed away and I am explaining to people how did it happen.

Dream 4 recent. Me and my wife are in somewhere. I am driving and she in cycling besides me and she is looking at me smiling and I am looking at her smiling the n suddenly a security guard stops me and tell me off for something to do with parking.

Dream 5 last dream. I saw my wife has come back to me with my child. We are the attending some seminar. Then some muslim guy comes and starts talking to my wife, he doesn’t know she is married and I am curiously watching the two. He starts joking with her and she looks really really happy and becomes more beautiful when she smiles whilst taking to him and I felt jealous but didn’t tell the guy that she is married.
Also I saw someone else’s grandmother is telling off my little son as he was playing with her grand children and I got in to fight with the grandmother and pick up my son and hug him and kissed him as he was crying.

Please advise brother how do I interpret my situation and dreams. Sorry for the long email but no other way to shorten it. Jzk khair