woman that’s trapped in this male body

Salams muftisaib I am a 23 year old male , feel as if am a woman that’s trapped in this male body. I had realized that I wasn’t normal at the age of 8.ever since I’m in pain and depressed state of mind. I don’t know what to do as I have no feelings for a girl .and to top it up all I’m not physically strong let alone been mentally .I have not acted on those feelings but I feel each day I grow weaker n weaker. Its really hard to open up to anyone wen I was in my teens I was rather suicidal and it sort of cool down over the years but now those suicidal thoughts are coming back and I grow fonder for the same sex.I had been chatn to some musilim males who has been married n are still looking to date males while they have wivies and kids and believe u me they act on those feelings, maaf back to my question ,I don’t know what to do with my lyf any longer I need help asap shukran slms