assalamualaikum, i know i might be treading sensitive and controversial territory but would it be possible for respected mufti to educate me about the issue of polygamy and hoor al ayn in jannah,,it is most womens’ardent desire to be in an exclusive relationship with her husband, sometimes a women makes lots of sacrifices in marriage, especially when she has to put up with difficult in laws living with them, bringing up children, sacrificing sleep, etc much more than men ever realise and all she wants is for a man to love and cherish her, be loyal and faithful and treat her the way she deserves to be treated and cherishe
1)do you have any knowledge if the special creation of ‘hoor’ be created only for men , and not for women,?
2)what if a women wants to be her husband’s one and only, thinking she will put up with everything in dunya and attain what she wants in jannah, to be alone with her husband and live a happy life,?
3a)what if that conflicts with her husbands desire to have many women? will Allah grant women their wish and create a special men( not many just one man) to love and cherish her the way she wants to be loved and cherished, to be pure, faithful, and have eyes only for her (like the qualities of hoor al ayn described by Allah), or will we have to sacrifice there in jannah as well.
3b) Some traditional Muslims believe that Muslim men will be rewarded with 70 houris specially created for them and two believing women from this life. This is very demeaning and offensive to all women.
A question comes to my mind at this point.
4) Why would Allah cause jealousy between husband and wife on this earth when He promises to give the same cause of jealousy (multiple wives) in Heaven to one gender (man) as a reward? Who put love, mercy, and affection between the spouses? It is sad to find that in traditional Muslim literature the concept of Jannah is a place specially created for men; there is no equality between men and women.
For men, Jannah is simply an extension of the earth where they established control and dominance over women through legitimizing unsanctioned polygamy and unlimited sex with females. One mans Heaven is a womans Hell. This is supported by scholars, as a majority of them state that Paradise is a place of fulfillment of desires, and men being prone to polygamy will receive this as a reward.
5)My question is, how is it possible that Allah Almighty will grant the fulfillment of the desires of the male but not of the female that is, to not share her husband with multiple women?
6)What about women who are patient in this life, hoping that their desire of not sharing their husbands will come true? I have read that scholars state that Allah will remove the jealousy from the heart of the women so they shouldnt worry about it. Please explain how does this justify anything?
Instead of her desire/wish being fulfilled, she will be brainwashed, but on the other hand men wont have to give up anything.
7)Why wont Allah remove the lust to have multiple wives from their hearts in order to please the female servants, while He will remove jealousy from the hearts of females in order to please male servants?
8)i know in jannah there will be no jealousy but i wouldnt like to be with a men who has been intimate with soo many women, i will feel that i am just one of the many, even though worldly women will be superior to hoor. will Allah no grant our wish of being in an exclusive monogamous relationship with our partner??
9)How come jealousy is a female product? When men are jealous, their jealousy is labeled as ghayrah (attack on morality). Bur when women are jealous, they are labeled as jealous beings? How I see it, being neutral, jealousy is a human product and not just a female thing. Allah created one mate, at least thats what is mentioned in the Quran, for Adam (peace be upon him).Therefore it is the fitrah of every male and female to feel jealousy when it is about sharing ones spouse. Men are more possessive and would react in a similar way, even worse when it is about sharing their spouse. The reason is because we are both human beings. I totally agree with the acceptance of polygamy in this life, because it is a solution advised in the situations to avoid the haram. But it is discouraged by putting conditions on it. But paradise is every Muslims (men and women) goal. It doesnt sound/feel right to the fitrah that it will be more rewarding towards men and again will require females to sacrifice and share. No matter how you put it, it is sharing the reward when ones husband will have at least two other wives.
10)Does Allah love men more than women? A male martyr will receive 70 wives, but if a female servant of Allah dies for Jihad fisabillillah, she will still be required to share her husband with other wives. This concept is very discouraging and offensive towards Muslim sisters.
I personally feel very disillusioned and overwhelmed because it seems that no matter how hard I work to please Allah, even go as far as giving up my life for Allah Almighty, my reward will not be equivalent to that of a male servant.
11)in this life, if we want to live alone with our husbands without in laws and interference and if our husbands don’t provide us with a suitable residence that is conducive to having marital privacy, happiness will we be rewarded for putting up with injustice, and will Allah will i be able to live without interference and in laws in the hereafter (provided that i am a good righteous muslim wife and i pass the test of this life)?
Please forgive me for my insolence but this matter is on many womens minds and it depresses many of us aswell..most of us feel demotivated as Allah mentions hoor al ayn for men in the Quran and mentions an “equivalent delight” for women but doesnt specify what it is..but an equivalent delight for women will be an exclusive and monogamous relationship wtih her husband..but when this is ruled out by Allah mentioning hoor al ayn..we lose hope because we would cherish having an exclusive relationship rather than having palaces, jewelry, servants, clothing, even if its a much greater quality that the human mind cannot perceive. all this will be fruitless if we cannot be given the epitome of being cherished and happiness to be the “one and only beloved woman” of my husband
jazakallah khair for all the knowledge that you have been educating us with thus far. May Allah (SWT) reward you abudantly and elevate your stages in the highest abodes of jannah. Ameen