Massallah pertaining to a feeling after making Istikharah

Question ID: 23147

Asalaamualaikum Mufti
I have been divorced previously and so has the man who intends marrying me. we are very confused.6 months ago i read istikhaarah for marriage to him. I had a dream where he was on the tel phone advising my x husband how to go about the court route to get my kids. I then read about 3 months later and was depressed for the whole week.i felt weepy and misearable.i am not sure if that was because we were having problems due to his friendship with his x wife or was it the istikhaarah salaah.we do not have these problems any longer and would like to get married.he has read istikhaarah for 7 days and then asked mufti Elias for advice.Mufti advised him to read a further 2 nights which he did.he said at the time of reading he felt NOTHING.he didnt feel to get married nor not to get married to me. all this is very confusing.i spoke to a moulana who said that he has a very good character but has very emotional baggage due to what he went through in his 1st marriage.what do we do?is it ok to get married?
2.he has not yet divorced his 1st wife.she had taken a khula which according to him was not valid as the person who approved it was not an aalim but a man who merely writes books.she is convinced they are divorced.he said that he will not divorce her and if she gets married she wil be living in zina for the rest of her life.thats his way of punishing her. i told him thats not for him to decide and Allah will punish if he so wills.
a)to her she will not be committing a sin as in her mind she is convinced she is divorced.
b)is he not wrong in refusing to give the talaaq as he does not see to her maintenance-only that of the kids.she has a right over him for him to see to her well being if they are still married.will he not be liable for that and answerable for that?
all this is affecting me and i would clarity on it all so as to go on with our lives.
Mufti’s advice will be apprecaited.
was salaam

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Asked on May 5, 2011 6:31 pm
Private answer

1) Ok
2) Tell him to divorce in peace and good will the 1st wife. He should not have this policy of 'punishing her'.

Marked as spam
Answered on May 5, 2011 6:31 pm