I am currently separated from my wife whilst ulama decide whether or not her first marriage was properly invalidated or not.
I have been living on my own in isolation and gradually getting more and more depressed. I don’t feel like waking up in the mornings and unfortunately keep thinking I wish to die.
This has resulted in resurfacing of doubts pertaining to Taharah.
Yesterday I spent the whole day repeatedly washing carpets in 2 rooms. I was mentally and physically exhausted and felt napaak because I had touched the tap with wet hands and then touched my clothes. Also whilst washing carpets and emptying water from the machine, water would have splashed on my clothes. The water would have been dirty.
I thought to myself I won’t perform Salah because my clothes are napaak. I had no other clothes to wear as they had just come out of the wash and they were drying. It never occurred to me that I could wear the wet clothes because I was trying to think quickly, whilst under a heightened sense of anxiety. In addition, I believed the carpets in the room were not clean to pray on.
In the end I decided it’s far worse to forsake Salah.
I decided to perform Salah on the dining mat after wiping it. I didn’t go to Masjid as (a) my clothes were napaak & (b) under my kurta I had pyjama bottoms on, which is inappropriate to wear at the Masjid.
Whilst performing Salah on the dining mat I felt discomfort because I thought I am napaak and I don’t even know whether the printed material on the mat is from animal ink or not.
But I performed the Salah anyway because I thought it’s kufr to miss Salah.
Would my aforementioned actions under extreme mental stress and unable to think straight constitute kufr?
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Question ID: 18073