Asalaamualaykum, hope Mufti is in the best of health InshAllah.
Muftisaheb before I got married my mother-in-law interfered a lot with me, so my parents and I told the boy and his family what we expect out of the marriage and we set all our agreements verbally. We set our cards straight because the boy got married before me and it didn’t work out. My mother-in-law and father-in-law promised us they won’t interfere in my marriage and my husband promised he’ll always stand up for me and when there’s a problem he’ll value it first. My father and I before marriage requested a maid two times a week and the boy agreed. My father and I requested a teaching post because I’m an Aalima and the boy said there is a post already waiting for me. After I got married my husband didn’t keep up to his word. I had to suffer to get a maid. He kept on complaining under the beds are dusty and not clean. It was very difficult for me alone to move the beds and clean under. He lied to me and my father there was no teaching post available. So we made an agreement that I’ll open a Maktab Madressa. My husband used to promise me a lot after marriage but never kept upto his commitments. He wasn’t honest with me and lied a lot. Whenever he was with his family, he used to become greatly influenced against me and his parents interfered so much that they influenced my husband against me, assumed that I put up a status for them on watsapp and because of that called the police for me and let me go with two male cops alone to the police station – not worried about my safety and threw all my belongings out of my home. My husband bruised my arm and swore me. I didn’t want to go, I was forced out of my own home by my husband’s parents and my husband didn’t worry to stand up for me. He said I must get out.
We were having financial problems too because my husband is on drugs and his debt was sitting on ? R30 000. After marriage I got to find out all this. He told me that he tried every drug and been to every club. I was shocked and didn’t tell anyone thinking I can try to help him out and make my marriage work. He took drugs infont of me and forced me to take as well and when I stopped him he became very violent. After they chased me out of my home my husband and family degraded my name by everyone in they community and lied about me refusing to clean the house and cook and putting demands that my husband should clean the house etc which I did not do. Despite what I’ve been through I was still willing to make my marriage work.
Now to reconcile my father suggested his parents come over for a dawah to reassure us in an amicable manner to sort the problem out and look forward for a solution. they first agreed, delayed us for two months then all of a sudden said they not gonna come. So the 2nd option of reconciliation my father drew up an agreement with a moulage. The reason why we drew up this agreement is because before marriage we had a verbal agreement and it didn’t work out so we suggested that this method will InshaAllah work out because my husbands family didn’t wanna come sort the problem out and also my husband had a problem of not keeping up to his word so by signing this would help him remember each time he thinks of breaking it and keep up to it. 7 clauses which my husband verbally agreed to before marriage:
1. to avoid problems in their marriage, the boy will not force the girl at any given time to visit, talk or mix with his immediate and extended family unless the girl whole heartedly agrees.
2.the boy should not be influenced by his parents and family.
3. The boy needs to stand up for the girl and not degrade her.
4.the boy should be honest with the girl at all times and keep up to his commitments.
5. The boy needs to assist the girl in her profession as far as establishing a Maktab institute is concerned.
6. The boy needs to keep the girl informed of the financials as she can assist in the baitulmaal.
7. The boy should provide the girl a maid between 2 or 3 times a week and in the event inshAllah if the girl falls pregnant and has a child, a full time maid should be provided. If a full time maid cannot be provided then the boy should assist the girl and not complain.
He vebaly agreed to it and was ready to sign it but his grandfather stopped him and said he has to first show his father. After he showed his family he divorced me. Please comment – were we wrong by drawing this agreement or was my ex husband and family wrong by not signing it and hastening to Talaaq me because of it?