Question ID: 26539
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SLMS MUFTI

PLEASE COULD U KINDLY ADVISE ME ON WHAT TO DO.

I AM MARRIED FOR JUST OVER 9 YRS AND HAD 2 SEPERATION BEFORE THIS 1 THAT IS CURRENT
<>br>1 SEPARATION – MY WIFE WAS SPEAKING TO THE AALIM AND GETTING ADVISE AND 1 DAY HE CALLED HER AND SHE ANSWERED HER CELL PHONE AND WE WERE TOGETHER IN THE CAR AND SHE STARTED STUTTERING AND HER FACE CHANGED ,SO I ASK HER WHO IS ON THE PHONE AND SHE SAYS IT IS HER BROTHER ,SO I ASK HER AGAIN AND SHE SAY ITS HER BROTHER AND THEN SHE TELLS ME ITS THAT AALIM ,SO I GOT ANGRY AND I STARTED YELLING AND THEN SHE CALLED HER FATHER AND HE CAME TO PICK HER UP AND THEN AFTER 2 MONTHS WE MANAGED TO RECONCILE

2 SEPARATION-I WENT FOR RAMADAAN UMRAH AND RETURNED BACK AND I SEE SHE IS NOT HOME ,SO I PHONE BY MY IN LAWS AND MY MOTHER IN LAW SAYS MY WIFE IS NOT COMING BACK ,SO I JUMP IN MY CAR AND DROVE TO LENS AND BECAUSE I WAS ANGRY I SAID WHATEVER I WANTED TO SAY AND I TOOK MY 3 CHILDREN AND DROVE HOME ,THEN MY DAD SPOKE TO ME AND I WENT TO DROP THE CHILDREN BACK WITH THEIR MUM .
IN THIS PEROID WE WENT FOR COUNCILLING SEPARATE AND THEN WE WENT TOGETHER FOR COUPLE COUNCILLING AND MANAGED TO RECONCILE APPROX 2 1/2 OR 3 MONTHS LATER, THERE WERE A FEW CONDITIONS GIVEN TO ME AND I SIGNED IT ,WILL MENTION FEW THAT I CAN REMEMBER

WILL NOT VERBAL ABUSE AND RESPECT HER
,WILL SEE TO THE HOUSEHOLD THINGS AND WILL DISCUSS FINANCE
, WILL LET HER BE FREE IN HER DADS HOME AND FEEL FREE TO SOCIALIZING IN THE ISLAM MANNER
,SEE TO HER NEEDS AND THE CHILDREN NEEDS

3 SEPARATION- WE ARE CURRENTLY SEPARATED AND SHE SAYS THAT SHE DOES NOT WANT TO MAKE A HOME ,SHE IS NOT HAPPY AND SHE DOES NOT LOVE ME AND SHE IS HAPPY ALONE

THE INCIDENT THAT CAUSED THE SEPARATION – I CAME FROM JAMAAT AND THERE WAS A COUPLE IN MY HOUSE AND WHEN THEY LEFT I CONFRONTED MY WIFE AND SHE SAID THAT IT WAS THE NEIGHBOUR THAT TOLD THEM TO COME SEE THE HOUSE AND THEN SHE PANICED AND HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK AND THEN HER BROTHER CAME, TOOK HER TO THE HOSPITAL AND TOOK HER TO LENS TO HER FATHERS PLACE.

WHILESEPARATED I WENT FOR COUNCILLING AND CURRENTLY GO TO A PSHCOLOGIST

WE HAD A FAMILY MEETING AND SHE IS STILL SAYING THAT SHE DOES NOT WANT TO MAKE A HOME.

SHE SAY IF I DONT GIVE HER A TALAQ SHE WILL DO IT THROUGH THE JAMIAT.

PLEASE COULD YOU GIVE ME ADVISE ON WHAT TO DO AND THE WAY FORWARD , WE HAVE 3 KIDS

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Asked on May 24, 2013 8:15 am
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Get your elders to intervene. Get some Ulema to intervene. Get two members from your side and 2 from hers to intervene. Ask her to write down her grievances and address them. Do not issue Talaaq. Be careful. Separate for a longer period - perhaps time will heal.
Do not write in caps - capital letters
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Answered on May 24, 2013 8:15 am