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Question ID: 25932
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As salaamu alaikum Mufti. My wife and I are married for 10 years now. We have 1 child (8years boy). When we got married we opened a business together in 2002 with an understanding that we would own 50:50. I had used the money I made overseas and had taken out a loan to pay and set up for the business. When we opened my mum and younger brother asked me if they could help me which I agreed and my wife knew of it and i was paying them for their time a basic wage.when my brother left for UK to work, my wife didnt want my mum to come and help but i agreed to pay her rent as i was the only child in SA.
Duing the years we opened 3 other stores and had our child and our businesses was doing well until 2007. however during the 2002-2005 we had borrowed monies from my mother in law to open the new businesses which she was getting paid but not all her money.also, in 2007, my bother in law trusted me with R130K to look after as he felt where we were staying was safer. in 2007, i was noticing the businesses were losing money and we had owed alot and we were not surviving and our business was based on importing. during the year 2007, i used the R130k left with me without asking thinking i could revive the business and replace the money quickly. however, late in 2007, he asked me for the money and i didnot have it and i panicked. in january 2008 i called him for a meeting and explained to him what i did. he was angry and my wife and in laws found out and this caused a major rift between the families.one day my wife and i had an arguement regarding the monies and i could not bear it so took my son for a drive. whilst i was away, my mum phoned my wife to ask her to please forgive me, and tried to explain to her that i was wrong but was trying to help the business but from that day, January 2008 my wife told me that she hates my mum and will not speak to her ever again.
We had to start closing down in 2008 after my in-laws intervened and accused me of running the businesses down.my in -laws stated that they will help their daughter provided i leave the business as they dont trust me.i moved on and it was tough but i had the support of my mum and what ever little she had, she would give me to survive. we lived in a flat since marriage owned by my father in law. when we got married, we both had nothing but started business together to support us. our downfall was opening too many stores in a short time and this drained our cash flow from other good businesses and using too much credit.
My wife and I tried to patch up our differences but it has been difficult. i have worked and earned monies to look after us and did not ask my wife for any help. i also asked my brother in law for maaf and that i would pay him which i started too. for a while we used to go to family functions alone. after about a year, my in laws invited me back which was hard but my wife refused to go to my family or any kids, or weddings etc.
she has not spoken to my mum and brother for 5 years now and the family has accepted this but i go to her side and we are all fine.
my son is 8 years now and he finds it difficult to understand so i explained to him the wrong i did. during the past 5 years we used to fight alot and thought about divorce but for my sons sake i stayed and worked things out, also she would call my mum names, said she is rubbish, a user, a liar and she took money from us and i just used to get angry but knew i was under her rule and living in her dads flat. she is also 5 years older than me and previously divorced.
on Sunday we had the biggest fight and i was defending my mother and i told her something about when her father lost their businesses and people helped him and she started hitting me, and throwing things at me.she said i should not pick on her elderly father but in the heated argument i mentioned the truth not a lie.She said she is proud she hit me and will do it again if i mentioned her fathers prior businesses. she used to also tell our son bad things about my mum trying to poison him with bad things but he used to tell me and i used to leave it and tell him make dua mum changes.i confronted my wife and she said she tells him the truth which is so wrong.she has so much anger and hatred in her i have not seen anyone like that and she is happy to tell anyone she hates my mum and has not spoken to her in years.
she also gave me back the wedding ring i gave her and mahr and said she doesnt want it. i told her we are married and she must wear the ring and she refuses. she told her mother what happened and they seem fine. since Sunday night we chatted and tried to make her understand that the business failure was not my fault and i tried hard to maintain it. she says she is this marriage for convenience sake and we should decide what we want. divorce is the last thing on my mind as all our fights are based on finance and my family which she hates. i have told her that we can work at this and she says its diffucult. please help me and advise me what to do. i have not told my mum anything as i want to sort this out on my own. we sleep in different rooms and i make dua it will come right.Make maaf this is so long but i had to give you all the facts. i am not sure what to do. she reads all her salaah, reads quran etc but i tell her she is wrong and she cant hit me but she doesnt listen.Jazakallah.

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Asked on November 25, 2012 5:55 pm
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Go to a well-wisher to help you round up your financial affairs. Draw especially who you owe. Get a steady job. start paying out your debts. Be regular in Salaat. Do not argue. Remain calm. Avoiding domestic disputes. Do not divorce. Be alert of Satans tides. Make Duaa. Do not mix finance with relationships.
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Answered on November 25, 2012 5:55 pm
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