Question ID: 23682
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Salaam
I am very unhappy in my marriage. I believe that my husband married me because I was studying and he knew that I would earn well once qualified. His father’s a tyrant and he had neither the guts nor the money to move out on his own. I have never been given the choice of staying home to raise the kids…he controls the finances and for most of my marriage my salary was deposited in his account! I received a small allowance from the money I earned, which he spends as if its his.I have since wisened up but he is not too pleased that he no longer controls my money. He gets upset when I remind him that he is reponsible for caring for us. He portrays himself as a wonderful man to others – calm, pious, patient but is quite something else in our home. I know that he does not love me, he’s just using me but I have my children to think of. FOr years I pretended that everything was fine but I’m tired of pretending. I’m miserable and his bedroom antics are just disgusting… he expects me to perform acts that you call makruh on him! Eeeu!
His family is another issue – they treat my kids and I badly but he expects us to grin and bear it as we must respect them.
What can I do?
Should I leave or continue to pretend?
Is it true that I have to spend the Akhirah with him?!!
Surely there’s a rule that men have to shower before bed?
Sorry no e-mail address only his – he is very controlling

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Asked on May 7, 2010 12:00 am
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Private answer
His duty is to provide - He is the bread winner. If he is not incapicitated then he is being unreasonable. It is not your responsibility to provide.
However if you bear and make Sabr you will be rewarded tremendously. In Jannat, he will have not one bad quiality.
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Answered on May 7, 2010 12:00 am