Question ID: 29671
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salaam mufti saab i have a problem with my marriage. we(me and my wife) have wrote to you before and you gave us some advise.
a year ago we were staying at my mothers house and my wife and my mother use to always have fights and arguments and i use to get involved in the centre. i used to get irritated and eventually we use to have issues. My wife then left me and went to her fathers house and i kept on on trying to put things right. eventually my boss intervened in the problem and got us to go live on our own. i provided everything for her and bought her all the necessary things that a home needs and it was a clean and neat home.
because i moved out of my mothers house my entire family kept me away like didnt care about me but i didnt worry because i had my wife and kids and being an islamic orientated person i had my namaaz and my zikr that i use to keep busy with.
3 months after we moved on our own my wife started treating me badly(dont want to listen to me and always keeping secrets from me doing thing on her own and stuff) this use to make me very upset and we started fighting regulary. i use to have no one to talk to and use to bottle up my feelings and once or twice i exploded and we had big fights. she then got in contact with my best friend and tried to set me up with another women and thought i wouldnt find out but i did and i slapped her for that and she retaliated to hit me back. Once i was so tired on a sunday after work i got to relax in the bedroom and she and kids brought their food in the bedroom to eat , all i said was take the food in the kitchen because thats the place to eat, upon hearing that she took the hot cofee swore me and threw it on me and i slapped her again and she also retaliated. we had another big fight. Then during ramadaan i found out with proof that she was chatting with another guy day and night without me knowing and they were deleting the messages so i dont see the messages. when i questioned her about it she lied and said it wasnt true.i showed her proof and then she accepted her fault and then started lying to me that it was just a friend(any married women wont chat with another man day and night whom are just friends)i put a stop to it and we had another big fight. i over looked everything because of my kids and i still continued to do everything for her. yes we lived together so we shared our expenses in the rent in what ever we needed but the fights were still going on and walaahi i was getting tired. i use to clean my entire house every morning for her because i understood that
she had kids to see to and lunch and breakfast and she use to come after work to a clean house and all she had to do was cook supper and eat and cleanup but still we were fighting because she refuses to listen to anything i use to say. she never want to go to my mothers house yet i go to her mothers house but i never use to go there often, use to send her with car if she wanted to go.
towards the end of the year we were given notice to find another place so i did and found a 3 bedroom house that i worked so hard making it comfortable for my family to live(painted, cleaned up, new stuff for bath and did everything for her). because she was working the entire december i didnt even get her tired because i told her i didnt want anyone to help me i can do it myself and because of that she made it an issue with me and her parents. i did do it on my own and she use to come home to a fully setted house cleaned.we still
use to fight and not respect me and swear me all the time(i told her a few times do me a favour and just leave me )until one night i couldnt take it anymore and we had a big fight and i took my clothes and left i sent her a message later that night to say that she must send kids to school and not go work because i will come see her at lunch but the next day she did not listen and called her father and she emptied my entire house and left, took transfer for my kids without my consent and put them in another school. she now lives with her parents and refuses to talk to me she said to my uncles that she doesnt want me anymore and she cant live with me. she has accused me of alot (like abuse ,molesting,being vulgar, forcing myself on her etc)
and she is working and can live an independant life.
I am now living alone its been 3 weeks and she doesnt want to come back. all this i have told you may look one sided but i am also not a saint because i also use to swear her and fight with her. i love my wife and my kids and miss them alot i have appologised to her via a message but no reply. Currently I dont knowwhat to do.
please advise me

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Asked on February 17, 2014 5:15 pm
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Private answer

1) Contact those who signed your Nikaah Certificate to intervene.
2) failing 1) - Contact her parents and your parents to sit and resolve the situation.
3) failing 1) and 2) - Contact local Ulema to intervene.
4) failing 1) 2) and 3) - Go to Crisis Centre, Help Line, or local Ulema Body in your locality.
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Answered on February 17, 2014 5:15 pm