Question ID: 26215
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Assalaamu Alaikum
. This is my situation…I am currently living with my in laws, parent in laws live in separate entrance
, And my brother inlaw and his wife and kids live downstairs from me, my husband and kids. Clearly we
live in a double storey (partitioned) from downstairs which separates us from them.
I am not entirely happy living with them (husbands younger brother and his wife) due to privacy issues.
We don’t get along and everyone seems to be very weary of my husbands brother and his wife, particularly my mother in law and sisters in law (Husbands sisters). They don’t really tell her if something bothers them about her as she is quick to retaliate verbally. I have had a few confrontations with her but without success. She never gives in or sees my side of the story and I have been told by someone that she refers to me as a “b***h” . I don’t want to feel this contempt that I feel for her but I do. And its hard living under these circumstances whenever I tell my husband how I feel he tells me to let things be. I should just keep quiet and not say anything if I feel she takes advantage. For instance…this is going to sound petty but my view is simply to be considerate. We have 8 washing lines which we were supposed to split (3 for me, 3 for her and 2 for my mother in law) I then added another 2 lines bought from my own money as I had another baby (making it 5) so needed more space. She then starts hanging on 5 lines as I hang on 5 lines being rightfully mine. Then my mother in law does washing one day and removes my wet washing so as to hang my mother in laws’ wet washing because my sister in law took up the space on my mother in laws lines. I then confront my sister in law and tell her to please just be considerate and keep space for my mother in laws’ washing so that she doesn’t remove my stuff off the line. She then tells me that she does not see my name written on the lines and its everyones’ not mine. We then keep arguing until I eventually just walk away and start crying. I tell my husband how I feel but its like he sides against me everytime. This is but 1 incident…its like whenever I have something she wants it too but even better. When I buy me clothes or shoes she goes and buy herself the same (maybe different colour) …I have 5 children Alhamdulilaah..she is going for her fifth now. Its like evrything is a competition for her. She didn’t like her husband to eat things I made..and then she would try to make it too. Even if I decorate a cake a certain way she would copy it. If I dress my daughter in something she dresses her daughter in the same way. I can’t stand her and don’t like the way I feel towards her. How can I become a better muslim if I feel like this? I have been married for 13 years Alhamdulilaah and she got married seven years ago. I am not the only 1 that she has offended but its easier for those not living here to go on and just stay out of her way. I don’t understand why she has to be competitive over everything. It causes problems between myself and my husband whenever she does something
I disagree with because my husband wants me to just overlook everything. Are we not supposed to say something if we see a wrong is being done or unfairness is happening? I need some advice.
JazaakAllah

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Asked on May 16, 2014 8:38 pm
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Private answer
Your husband has to address the issue. If he can afford it, seek out suitable accommodation elsewhere. Mark the washing lines that belong to you. Avoid displaying what you cook and buy. This will help in sparing you tension. Avoid getting in any discussion that will lead to a fight.
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Answered on May 16, 2014 8:38 pm