Question ID: 27940
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I have accepted a proposal (where both families where present and everyone was in agreement).

I am now having second thoughts. Our issues relate to:

1) I want to live on my own after I’m married and he is finding it hard to detach himself from his mum. Parents are divorced and the house is paid off. I always wanted to be on my own, coming from a small place myself and knowing that there are many problems today between in laws and daughter in laws. However I don’t want him to resent me in the future of something has to happen. His mum is scared to be on her own.

2) he wants to leave his current job. He doesn’t have a back up plan and I dont think he is thinking about me and the future. I do earn more than him but am having problems at my current job. He says that he’s been working hard and its time for him to rest a little. I thought a husband is to provide financially as well.

Am I wrong in wanting to live on my own and be scared that he might not provide in the future. What do I do?

My parents always blame me for things going wrong and say that I am too fussy. They say something is wrong with me. I dont know what they mean by that.

I thought that being proposed/engaged suppose to be a happy time, but there are too many obstacles. i feel that this happens to me all the time.

May Allah Guide me to whats best for me.
Shukran

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Asked on November 22, 2008 12:00 am
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Private answer
Firstly you not supposed to be the bread winner. Have via your representative a frank discussion, who is going to earn. If he is going to be a parasite and make you sweat and slog then abandon marriage plans with him.
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Answered on November 22, 2008 12:00 am