Question ID: 24075
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Asalaamualaikum
I am a 23year old mother and i am am currently separated from my husband for one year now and we have been married for 3 years and i have a 2 year old daughter.we separated last year september until now because of his affairs with other woman and him not doing his rights or responsibilties towards me and my daughter.i knew he was cheatin on me but i still tried to make it work for the whole time in which i knew from end of year 2009.. and he even knew that i knew because i did confront him about it and evrytime he would tell me its over but through Allah”s help he would show me that he was lyin.. Him and is family said that i was thinking too much and decided to send me to another country for “relaxing my mind” but even there i got a call from his phone by mistake and heard his whole conversation with the other woman.and i found out that there wasent only one woman involved.. i still went back back and i reall tried to make it work but he just neglected me..after that i got tired and left in april 2010 and we were separated during that time we had no communication what soever i allowed him visitational rights etc.. then after two months i went back to try and make a home one last time and he didn even bother and this time he stopped talkin to me and i wasent allowed to even touch him i was neglected in that house living woth his mother sisters sister in law and brother who all didn even care and jus watched everythin happen and said i should make sabr.. so i made sabr but it began to afeect me mentally and a week before eid i left again and we are stiil separated upto dat
3 months ago i approached the woman that was havin the affair because she is somehow related to me and her mom arrived from uk who had no idea that the guy coming to her house everyday was married and had kids.. so i explained everything that happened because she had lied to her parents and he had lied that he had already given talaq..so we called him over and in that meeting he said to me openly infront of the 6 people that were sittin there “that i dont want you and i want nothing to do with you anymore and tomorrow i will finalise things with the mufti”
does this already count as one talaq? but we are going to get a divorce and wev both spoken to local mufti about it but i hadnt told the mufti of what he had said because only until now someone told me that those words are counted as one taalq already so i would jus like to confirm that with yu??? this was 3 months ago and yesterday i receive an agreement of the child sayin that he will maintain me from my iddah until end of iddah.. and maintain my daughter until he gains custody
but isnt he supposed to have maintained me from the time of separation as well as his daughter?
mashaallah his well off like after we got married and had a child and now with his fancy cars and holidays he goes on so why cant he pay maintenance for his child?when i mentioned itm to him he says why do i have to pay is shes not living with me?
alhumdulilah im not sufferin i got my familys support but for how long..im not tryin to be greedy but i could use that money to start somethin of my own maybe inshaallah and stand on my own two feet
when does the father get custody of the child?
another thing is he doesn even come pik up his daugfhter he sends his sisters to pik and drop off his daughter.. but he makes a fuss that he wants to take her 5 times a week wich iv agrred to only twice a week.
Because it says i he gets custody when the child is nine years?? but im willin to give him the custody when she is 12years (when she is balik)
what are my 4rights as a mother and what are my daughters rights?.. and i would like this agrrement to state that when the child is due io the fathers custody i would like her to hav an open decision to whether she would want to remain with the father or not due to whatever reason ifshe cannot adjust to livin with them as they are different ways than what kind of home i am bringin her up in now ot illltreatment etc not so that she wil b forced to stay there if she is unhappy
2 months ago he sent us$200 for maintenance of his daughter thats it..last month he didn pay anything… that amount isnt enough for as things in zimbabwe are expensive.. i asked for us$500 per month excluding the childs school fees madrasah fees etc that she will need when she starts school…with that 500 i will use it to but her daily accesories nappies clothes medicatin etc and any reminder will be saved for holiday expenses.what are ur thioughts to that?
please any other advise would be most appreciated
jazakaallah

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Asked on July 26, 2011 10:15 pm
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Please do not use SMS language in E-mails. No Talaaq has taken place if he did not intend so. If he intended Talaaq then one Talaaq has taken place and from that time Iddat began and maintenance. Daughter on becoming 'baligh' goes to responsible husband??s care/custody. Visitation rights are upon mutual agreement. Maintenance of child is upon current market related necessary average economic standards. Ask the Mufti to negotiate Talaaq if it has not occurred as yet.
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Answered on July 26, 2011 10:15 pm