Question ID: 26393
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as salaam wa alaikum
. I am the husband of the lady to whom the answer of ‘apply for ‘faskh’ was given

mufti saab all due respect I am really surprised and honestly shocked to read the answer of that caliber coming from you or your organisation before even hearing both sides of the story.

a brief history about myself , I am a very Islamic orientated scholar who reads my 5 times sallah , always engaged in zikrullah and sometime can be a very strict person. I was brought up by very strict parents who never showed me to fight and keep bad friendship.

I am now married alhamdulilah for 9 years to date with 2 beautiful children.
my wife has left me without my consent numerous times and went to her mothers place , claiming that my mother is giving her a hard time. I will not dispute that because my mother is a hard person to live with and she unlike my wife likes her cleanliness and she is a widow and gets lonely, stubborn, irritable, Naggy etc. since I am the only son and her support I expect my wife to understand but she refused to, thus lead to her leaving me numerous times.
After the last time that she did leave me, together with her parents who always supported her decision in breaking our marriage rather than trying to unite the marriage they insisted that if I wanted this marriage to work I as a man must leave my moms place and live on our own to which I did. my mom now lives alone.
I had provided every necessary item that was required for us to live(fridge,microwave,stove,washing machine,beds and many more) and yes I also support my mother so in actual fact I am running 2 houses with the little I earn. I am sure by now maybe you would grasp the kind of person I am
. I have a wife who claims and makes accusation that I am a violent person and always assaulting her physically and verbally and we always fighting. she also has said that I do not sexually satisfy her and do not respect in fact always bad mouthing her parents. she has also made statements that I do it in front of my kids.
my wife is always on the phone chatting to whom I do not know and when she is asked then a fight starts
. my wife hates my mother but doesn’t realize that the same person looks after her kids and feeds them during the day
. my wife is always tired and never gives me the attentionI need
. my wife never allows me to sexually touch her and if I do then statements are made that I am hurting and shes not well etc
. my wife never listens or respects me and my decision or anything I say.
my wife is always not satisfied with anything I do for her
. muftisaab I am not a person to bad mouth my wife because I love my wife and made every attempt to make this marriage work but walaahi every attempt that I made has always been one sided
. my wife works as well and she never likes to assist me financially and progress as a family , its only if I ask and even that leads to an argument or a fight.
I am a person that loves cleanliness and I help and assist my wife on a daily basis to keep our home clean from the making of our bed and the kids beds to washing and cleaning of the toilet and bath to sweeping our home and moping. this is done by myself because I love my wife and cant see her do all on her own and at the same time keep the cleanliness but the sad fact I am not appreciated at all.
I may not be so financially equipped to satisfy every need of hers but yes I do alot for her all the time
. muftisaab you honestly tell me if I want cleanliness is it wrong to ask my wife for it ,is it wrong to ask my wife to assist me to progress as a family , is it wrong for me to ask my wife to no matter what respect and show love to my mother , is it wrong to want my wife to listen ,to respect, to show gratitude, good attitude to me or what I say and because of this we fight and at times speak loud. yes I slapped her a few times(I admit I was wrong in doing that but I never force myself to her or will cause any harm to her)
we men have always been the brant against women and walaahi all men are not as bad as people think
. society labels women as always correct but walaahi they can be wrong.

the answer to her question have been given maybe she will adhere to it but please always in future to save other marriages please get to the bottom of the problem
mufti saab please after hearing this you advise me accordingly

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Asked on July 12, 2013 6:10 pm
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Private answer
We answer as per what is supplied to us. We are not running a marriage counseling bureau. Thus we hear you. Kindly take her to the local Ulema. Let them hear, assess and advice. We always advocate making of homes not destroying.
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Answered on July 12, 2013 6:10 pm