Question ID: 31391
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As salaam ualaikum
i am a female married for 15 years, the first 8 years of marriage was difficult due to my father in law bring a second wife to the home on the eve of my marriage, i was not directly involved in thier quarrels but it did affect my husband and my privacy but i stood by them through difficult times and even when my husband was diagnosed with tb afterwe we evicted we pulled through. The problem is this that i am frustrated that over the years as much as i understand the diiculties with his father taking us out of home (my mother in law and sister in law now live with me) my husband has not proved to be a good provider. he had excuses before but now 7 years later i am stil the sole provider…yet he is sound of mind and body. i work 2 jobs to provide and do not have sufficient time with my 2 daughters. I do not keep any of my earnings for myself as he claims all for our debts nd living expenses. I am frustrated and tired of always propping him up. furthermore he does not meet his obligation to me in bed and this further frustrates…only he derives benefit of this marriage and i have told him so but he just get angry and turns aways but hasnt changed always finds excuse for his behaviour including finding fault with me. like when a year ago i went to my father without his permission to tell him off the debt burden and his failure to provide, this is the first time i approached my family with my problems as it become too much for me to bear , my father came back home with me and told us to join in equal effort , he agreed but when my father left he accused me of disgracing him , if not my father who should i turn to?
he preaches alot about islam but fails his basic duty
please advise on his duties as a provider of the family and husband duties although i have no wish to leave him he needs to be made aware of the wrong he is doing.

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Asked on November 16, 2012 6:09 pm
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Private answer
Your husband has to be the main bread winner. He has to be spoken to. Those who were your 'wakeels' in your Nikah must be approached to resolve your difficulties. You can go to the crises centre/help line/ Jamiat for assistance.
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Answered on November 16, 2012 6:09 pm