Question ID: 18305
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Slms Mufti
. I trust that this mail find you in the best of healh. I am married for the past 5 years to a man not originally for SA, he is from bostwana. we very often have extended family coming over to stay in our house, as well as his 4 married sisters with their kids come and go etc. the kids and very rowdy, scream, shout and disrupt my peace and quiet. my mother in law is a divorcee and she has been separated for years. it has been a very traumatic experience for my as i am a working professional and studying as well, it is very difficult for me to tolerate some one else kids around all the time. even though there are 4 bedrooms my mother in law sleeps next door ( the room closest to me) and all the kids sleep on the mattresses, i dont feel inclined to have conjugal relations as the room is close and you can hear the conversation and the noise of the kids, but i always do fulfil his rights nonetheless. my husband and i are both working, and in the evening we dont have time to bond and be alone and have privacy. Also the weekends the kids wake up early and make noise as they are right next door and this spoils the mood for marital intimacy.my husband is adamant that i should start a family and have kids, but i cant as i dont have that peace and quiet every women has before she has her own kids. my hopes and dreams have been dashed as i always envisioned that we would be able to have an environment that is conducive to us having a beautiful marriage, especially in the initial phase, to have a romantic dinner alone where i can dress up for him,, for us to sleep in (after fajr) on weekends peacefully without disruptions. I feel disillusioned and disheartened as i really need my own place where my husband and i can live our own lives in privacy. my questions are:

1) am i being sinful by refusing to have children, as the screeching of the 4-9 kids around is very distressing and traumatic?
2) is it fair for me to tolerate someone else’s kids, in other words am i supposed to sacrifice my comfort and sanity for my marriage
3) am i sinful for taking contraceptives as our marriage is unravelling due to the pressure. jazakallah khairan for your time and effort

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Asked on September 24, 2014 7:49 pm
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Private answer
1) You should have children. The excuse is not adequate. Also, Islaam does not want the female to work outside of the house.
2) This is unfair, undue, unjust, un-called for, and unnecessary pressure on your head.
3) Avoid.
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Answered on September 24, 2014 7:49 pm