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Question ID: 30723
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I apologise for the lengthy question details.
Would it be wrong for me to seek divorce on the grounds of fertility and no love in our relationship?
I have been married for 7 years and due to many complications in our lives we have been unable to conceive.
After Marriage I realised I had a problem (which I cannot share) which was to affect my being able to consummate my marriage. Through extensive research I came to know of the problem and tried all the solutions I was offered I talked to husband about my findings and even printed a few off in Urdu so that he could understand properly. Regardless of him knowing the reason for my inability to fulfil his requests he continued with force many times and knowing that the angels would be cursing me, I allowed him to try every technique he wanted to, even using sleeping tablets etc.
I requested him to consider divorcing me and re-marrying on numerous occasions ? knowing that the family had high hopes for their son to come to the UK, I even promised him that I would call him over to the UK, regardless of our situation. I went through many invasive and emotionally difficult treatments to get myself treated ? and Alhamdulillah after 4 years of suffering I travelled to another country to get myself treated successfully.
I have never really understood his reason for refusing to divorce me as we have never had a proper married life ? I personally feel that he does not see me as a wife. I am the person he returns home to in the evening and expects his dinner to be ready. I foolishly just do as he wants, but maybe my fear of my religion and not obeying my husband are the reasoning behind this. When he first came to the UK I took him out, to the cinemas, bowling, sight seeing etc which he happily took part in. But as he became more settled he did not want to do anything other then work work work. We only tend to see each other in the evenings when he returns from work (10pm) and his only day off is a Monday. He never shares his feelings with me and his family never call me or having anything to do with me? they only call on a Monday as they know I am at work and he is home alone. This does not bother me, but at times I do think why I am just bearing all this.
2 years ago, I suggested to my husband that we go for IVF treatment ? which he refused many times. I then suggested divorce as I wanted to have children. At this point I told him about all the injustices from him and his family that I had been bearing – and asked if there was something I had said or done that possibly could be the reason his family dont keep in contact ? which doesnt seem to be the case either. I try and call his family every 2 weeks, and had been doing for the first 6 years of marriage, but gave up as it wasnt a two way thing I thought if they couldnt be bothered then I wasnt bothered either.
He then agreed for IVF after a couple of weeks of thinking etc ? we went to see a specialist and again the problem was that he did not have the required sperm count or the mobility in sperm that is required. The specialist suggested retrieval of sperm from the testicles using a needle insertion procedure (even then there is no guarantee that his sperm will be of any value).
I am really considering opting out of IVF and asking for a divorce ? I dont know what the outcome of his results will be ? but I really cannot bear the pain of always having to be on my own ? not having anyone to share my pain and sorrow with. I have a huge family Alhamdulillah in the UK (6 brothers and 5 sister-in-laws and Alhamdulillah 12 nephews and nieces) but I have never shared any of my grief with them ? as I felt a husband would be a life long best friend (how wrong I was).

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Asked on November 16, 2012 12:25 pm
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Firstly stop IVF treatment. Go for marriage counseling. The grounds stated do not call for divorce as yet. Allaah plans. Have patience, your working is not encouraged by Shariat. Husband needs to improve drastically.
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Answered on November 16, 2012 12:25 pm